Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
