not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
