The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
one might say we're banned from that church
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
