I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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