I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
