all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
