can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
my poor anus
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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