You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize