I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
