You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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