Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
it's great music for shaving your balls
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
