Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
