I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize