It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
