i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
