tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
