Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
