I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
