You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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