You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
