my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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