About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
