maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
