im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
