She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
