why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
