im about as happy as oj after his trial
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
