my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
