I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
