There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
