Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
