dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
not ubering you a puppy
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
