I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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