When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
