nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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