found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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