I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
