dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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