umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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