those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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