I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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