the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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