you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
we made out on top of his cat.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
