I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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