the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
