i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize