It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
