So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I want a musical about memes.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize