if only i could text you this smell
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
