I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
