I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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