I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just gargled with NyQuil
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
