She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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