normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
