You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
