The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
