Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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