just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
