Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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