and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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