I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i believe in u and ur pee
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
