He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
