Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
