Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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