Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
